


Ukitake Had A Farm

by incandescens



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen, Not Serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 08:38:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10850376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incandescens/pseuds/incandescens
Summary: Written while going cold turkey after giving up a Certain Game.





	Ukitake Had A Farm

  
This new Seireitei Shinigamibook computer network is splendidly convenient. We can set up meetings (I really must remind Shunsui, or rather, must remind Ise-kun, that he needs to fill in his calendar and diary functions) and send emails and generally improve efficiency. It’s a wonderful thing.  
  
Oh, and there seem to be some social networking games. What a _nice_ way to get people interacting.   
  
I think I may try this one where you have to manage a farm.   
  


* * *

  
  
The farm game is very entertaining. I’ve ‘mastered’ several crops, and I’ve even got a ‘crafting’ building to make products from my harvests. Shunsui was mildly interested, but he lost all his enthusiasm when he found out that he didn’t actually get any real alcohol as a result of making it in the game.   
  
Several other Captains are playing. I’ve enrolled them as ‘friends’ so that I can get quest items from them. One seems to keep on needing quest items.  
  


* * *

  
  
Visited Kurotsuchi’s farm in order to tend his crops and harvest his trees.  
  
… I didn’t know you could get cyborg or cloning facilities. I didn’t know you could get laboratories and factory farms.  
  
… and why are all his cows green or silver and floating several feet above the ground?  
  
… also, I am sure that I haven’t seen a **Fields of Blood** fertiliser product on my own farm.  
  
I can’t quite bring myself to ask him about them. He might assume that I want them too, and they would entirely spoil the ambience of my rustic little farm. I’ve added several lake features as well, and I’m rather pleased with how it’s all laid out.  
  
I’ve set up a schedule to notify me of when my crops need harvesting.  
  


* * *

  
  
Unfortunately, harvesting schedule alarm went off in the middle of a Captains’ meeting to discuss Hollow incursions, and by the time I managed to leave the meeting, all my strawberries had withered.  
  
I did try to get out early by coughing, but unfortunately Unohana-taichou was there and forced cough medicine down my throat… ah, that is, compelled me to drink some with the smooth determined ferocity of her gaze. Sometimes I wonder about that woman.  
  


* * *

  
  
Shunsui wanted me to go out drinking with him this afternoon, but I had to explain that I was about to harvest my raspberries, and they’d wither if I left them.  
  
Shunsui was surprisingly unsympathetic. He even went so far as to suggest that I might be overdoing things. One can see that he doesn’t really appreciate the game properly. I had to promise to come out and join him by the lake later in the evening.  
  


* * *

  
  
Took laptop out to the lake and hid it under my robes. Caught up with my planting during moments while Shunsui was unconscious after one too many attempts to behave improperly with Ise-kun. Ah, my watermelons, how nicely you grow.  
  


* * *

  
  
Shinigami Women’s Association has apparently been talking with Shunsui and also think I may be overdoing it. They aren’t prepared to exchange quest items with me any longer.  
  
This is _harassment_. I am convinced it’s because their farms aren’t as good as mine.  
  
Sousuke-kun is the only one who understands me. He has promised to keep on buying my bushels.  
  


* * *

  
  
Of course I wouldn’t put tending my lovely little farm above my duties as a Captain and taking care of my Division.  
  
It is entirely untrue that when Abarai-kun asked me when Kuchiki Rukia would be back from assignment, I said, “Is that a quest item?” He must have misheard me.  
  
Note to self: check on ~~mint candy crop~~ Kuchiki-kun.  
  


* * *

  
  
How was I supposed to know that there were ryoka invading Seireitei? Or that Kuchiki Rukia was in the Tower of Penitence? Nobody _tells_ me these things. I was just enjoying some peace and quiet with my crops when both my third seats burst in together babbling about me missing meetings and all this stuff going on.  
  
Fortunately I managed to convince them that I was looking at a tactical map of Seireitei on my computer. (Need to grow more sugar cane. Eight hour alarm set.)  
  


* * *

  
  
Kuchiki Byakuya can be so dramatic. I tried to explain that a nice calming computer game would be good for his nerves, but he stalked off dramatically after trying (and failing) to impale Shihouin Yoruichi and the Kurosaki boy and everyone else.  
  
I suspect he plays first person shooters. He never looked after his farm properly, anyhow. He just planted cherry trees and ignored the crops. I suspect this is symptomatic of a wider mental disorder.  
  


* * *

  
  
Was temporarily distracted from search for Execution Scaffold-destroying weapon by need to plant 100 pumpkins and 100 potatoes for new quest.   
  
Not sure why Sousuke-kun keeps on sending me these quests. Isn’t he supposed to be dead or something?  
  


* * *

  
I was almost forced to draw my swords against Yamamoto-soutaichou. Fortunately this did not happen, as before the fight could start, my crop alarm started beeping on my laptop and he let me check the display before we went any further. I was halfway through harvesting and replanting (it would only have taken a few minutes longer, and Yamamoto-soutaichou was being very patient about waiting) when we got a kidou message from Kotetsu Isane explaining that Aizen Sousuke was alive and a traitor and a great many other things.  
  
Unfortunately my sheep-breeding program has been put on hold due to the current crisis, death of the Chamber of 46, treachery of three captains, etcetera.  
  
Sousuke-kun has emailed me from Hueco Mundo offering to exchange quest items, but I had Kurotsuchi-taichou check the emails, and they contained foot and mouth disease. I confess that I had expected better of him, and I have unfriended him on Shinigamibook.  
  
He will not be allowed to buy my bushels again.  
  


* * *

  
  
I can no longer tend my farm.  
  
Shunsui feels, _quite unjustifiably_ , that I am spending too much time on it. In view of the current crisis, I have mollified him by giving my word that I will leave it alone for a year or so. Perhaps a few months. Or weeks.  
  
Certainly he will not be checking on me for more than a few days.

My onions shall live again.


End file.
